Christmas entertainment … Sorted!

CHRISTMAS … it’s that time of the year when you down tools, switch off and enjoy. It’s a time when you can lock yourselves indoors and practice those dance moves whilst the Christmas songs blast out from the speakers. A time when you can get a bit giddy whilst putting the tree up whilst knocking back a few glasses of your favourite alcoholic beverage. A time when you can finally relax, spend time with loved ones, reflect and look forward to a new year.



Get yourself in the Christmas spirit by getting rather merry … a bottle of Harvey Bristol Cream, Haig Scotch Whisky or a few bottles of Babycham will get you warmed up. Throw on a last years Christmas LP and you’ll be crashing into the Christmas tree as you lose control of your body whilst attempting to dance. No worries if you are a bit worse for wear after booze and dancing … it’s Christmas time!


Have you got your Christmas entertainment sorted? No? Well you’re forking out a tidy amount on your TV license so make sure you get your moneys worth. Allow us at retrohen help you plan your Christmas entertainment … retro style of course!



Get Christmas Eve off to a flying start by tuning into BBC1 for a double whammy of Flash Gordon followed by Tarzan and the Leopard Woman. Both of these are in Black and White so you’re chuckling if you have a Black and White TV license. Later at 8pm, tune into Porridge starring Ronnie Barker. After your short spell in the Nick, enjoy some tunes by tuning into The Old Grey Whistle Test (BBC2 10pm). Finish off the evening by flicking back to BBC1 for the Christmas Midnight Communion from Burnley Parish Church.


Christmas Day is here and you realize that Father Christmas managed to sneak in and dump a heap presents under the tree. Presents are frantically opened with shrieks of delight or moans (another pair of bloody socks … didn’t want another knitted jumper). Wrapping paper flies through the air like bullets as presents continue to be unrelentingly unwrapped. Once all the present unwrapping has been completed, it’s time for some Christmas Day entertainment on the telly. The kids will be entertained by ‘Ragtime’ and ‘Hong Kong Phooey’ … sandwiched between these is ‘Sing Noel’ where pupils from a school in Essex join together with the parish church to tell the story of Christmas. The Christmas Morning Service kicks off at 10.15. I’m afraid you’re just stuck to BBC1 for now as BBC2 does not kick off until 12.10pm (of course you can tune into ITV but seeing that you’ve  forked out for a TV license for the BBC ony …). Settle down and watch ‘Holiday on Ice’ (1.20pm) as skaters elegantly glide along. After Holiday on Ice it’s time for a bit of a boogie with ‘Top of the Pops’ … shake your body to songs from Abba, Kiki Dee and The Wurzels! After the Queen has spoken to the Commonwealth and you’re recovering from a bellyful of Turkey, Sprouts and Stuffing, it’s time for a little nap … it’s been a tough day so far! Make sure you’re awake at 6.45pm as that’s when the entrainment really kicks in … Bruce Forsyth and The Generation Game followed by the Morcambe and Wise Christmas Show followed by the film Airport staring Burt Lancaster … what a Hat Trick! Christmas Day entertainment is still not over as BBC2 gets in on the act … the film Yankee Doodle Dandy will take you into the early hours of Boxing Day.



So Boxing Day has arrived. You’re feeling the effects of knocking back too many glasses of Sherry, chomping on too many varieties of Quality Street and munching through a box of After Eights. Hopefully if you make it out of bed by 1pm you’ll be able to ease into the day with ‘The Waltons’ at 1.20pm. Tuck into a Turkey sandwich and a cuppa whilst you slowly return to the land of the living. Once you’re back to your normal self then you can get back into the swing of the Christmas entertainment by watching ‘The Wizard of Oz’ with Julie Garland followed by ‘It’s a Knockout’ Christmas special. Now that you’re fully back into the swing of the festive season entertainment it’s fine to start again on the Sherry, Quality Street and After Eights. The Boxing Day entertainment is completed with the quadruple of Dad’s Army, the film ‘Love Story’, ‘The Val Doonican Show’ and the film ‘A Man for all Seasons’. The evening of entertainment is completed by the Weatherman (12.25 – 12.27).




Well that’s your Three days of Christmas television sorted curtesy of the retrohen team. It’s one less thing for you all to think about.

Have a fantastic Christmas everyone … keep warm.




The retrohen team will be back in 2016 with even more chuckles and laughter … retro style of course!






WITH Christmas Day just round the corner, the chances are that we’ve really splashed out. Booze, pressies, Christmas parties … they all add up don’t they? Quite a few of us will want to magically disappear when the credit card bill lands with a thud through the letterbox. We hesitate opening the hefty bill and after a few deep breaths we dive in to find out how hard we’ve been financially spanked. ‘How much??? Nooo! That ain’t right … we didn’t splash out THAT much!’ Yes we did! No point in wishing we hadn’t partied so hard and drank like a dehydrated Fish. No point in asking the recipients of the pressies we’ve just dished out to return em so we can get a refund … that’s just wrong and they’ll be sceptical about taking any other gifts from us.

Let’s get out of the Red and into the Black!

How? Grab yourself a cuppa, a pen and relax. Once you’re all nice and relaxed, then pull out the Spot the Ball competition and get crossing! Remember … ‘X’ marks the spot … ‘X’ equals cash … ‘X’ equals  Christmas expenses being paid off with excess amount of cash left over so you can keep on boozing and partying well into February!
So what are the essentials? A good fine nibbled biro for a start. You want to make sure your ‘X’ is bang in the centre of the ball … You want the result to be crystal clear so you are not robbed out of your winnings. A biro with a thicker nib does not work and your chances of winning are slimmer than a Supermodel on hunger strike. 

A good eye and anticipation are needed. It may seem obvious where the ball is but is it really there? Don’t be totally fooled by the general direction of there the footballers are looking … that’s just a ploy to trick you! It’s important for you to think outside the box … if it seems like the ball is looping in the air ready to be Headed, the chances the ball is by the feet of the player in the far off distance!

Once you’ve marked your crosses in the places you believe the ball is, make sure you complete the entry form in block capitals. No good you having the winning entry when then organisers can’t see clearly who you are or where you live. You’ve done the hard bit by spotting the ball so best not throw it away in the final stages. Make sure you hand your entry over to the man who collects em (The Pools Man) … he’ll be knocking on your door at 7pm on Wednesday. Get your entry in now so you have a fat cheque dropping through your letterbox in January.

So there you have it … no after Christmas financial blues on your agenda. Look forward to January knowing that you’ll be starting off in a financially strong position. Never fear the January financial battering again … remember ‘X’ marks the spot and the spot is the ball and the ball is cash! Don’t think about it … do it!


Promotion … some strive for it in their career journey. Some progressively climb the career ladder in an orderly fashion, whilst others jump the queue!

The same can be said in the world of bicycles.

There was a popular rank under the Raleigh company umbrella of bicycles. The starting point was the Boxer … the Grifter sat in the middle and at the summit stood the Chopper.


The Boxer was your entry level bike … ‘Check me out … I’m on the scene and I’m gunning for you!’

The Grifter … ‘I’ve been around for a while and I know a trick or two … I’ll just bide my time’.

Then we come to the undisputed number one … The Chopper.

The Chopper was the MD of the Raleigh Bicycle Company … ultimately the Big Dog.

You knew he was the Big Dog as he stands head and shoulders above the rest.

Check out the big back wheel and the small front wheel. Check out the backrest positioned at a slight angle so you can ride and recline. Check out the positioning of the handlebars … this is one easy rider.


This Big Dog is not about speed … you would look pretty uncool if you tried to hit top speed by hammering those pedals. It’s all about respect and status. This is a cruising machine … you need to ride it slow … one hand on the handlebar whilst the other hand holding a can of 7up. Whist reclining, you would take you time to look, observe and clock everything in the vicinity.

The Big Dog makes a silent and clear statement … I’m at the top … I’m not moving and I have no other challengers. The Big Dog is telling the Boxer and Grifter that promotion does not exist in their lives … their hopes deflated … almost like pushing a drawing pin into their tyres. The Big Dog is a ruthless MD.

Once reality kicks in, the Boxer and Grifter bow in reverence when the MD shows up. Life becomes easier for them once they submit to the unique, superior model.

So what next for the Chopper?

The Big Dog is top so it’s just a matter of keeping up the momentum … there’s no point in trying harder … number one spot is assured.

Whilst continually linked with senior roles at competitors within the world of bicycles, the Big Dog considers them (slowly) but always stays loyal to Raleigh.


The Chopper didn’t have work hard to reach the pinnacle …  the orderly queue of the career path was jumped whilst leaving other contenders deflated on the stepping stones.

How did the Chopper manage to jump the queue?  The Chopper is just unique … stands out from the rest and has serious respectability.The Chopper is confident and sometimes cocky … traits that have no real negative impact on mass appeal.

If gaining promotion is a bit a struggle for you, then just think of the Chopper. Be unique … walk into the office wearing a Onesie … grow some chunky Sideburns … get your hairdresser to give you a Mohican! Be unique and float to the top!


Ever owned a Chopper? Tell the team at retrohen about your fond memories.

Still own a Chopper? Tell us about it.

Dear Santa …

CAN you believe December is already here? There’s so much to do before the big day and so little time.

Don’t stress if you are stuck for Christmas present ideas … the team at retrohen are here to relieve the festive stress.

Check out these sound gift ideas … retro style of course!

For Her:

1. Tramp cologne. You’re onto a winner with this fragrance! Free, independent, chic, bold and friendly are just a few words that sum up this old school classic. The label says ‘Middle class with a naughty streak’ (fantastic description by our retro perfume tester Jayne L). The name may be a bit misleading, but you can’t knock the supremacy of this fragrance.

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2. Goblin Teasmaid. She deserves the best … she needs to be treated well. Start the day off on the right foot by making sure she has a freshly made cuppa. No need to stumble downstairs to put the kettle on … have fresh cuppa made automatically by the bedside! Now that’s starting the day right!



3. A nice warm Dressing Gown. Essential for these cold mornings. Struggling with the cashflow? No worries … they have a fantastic range of dressing gowns in the Littlewoods catalogue … take your pick … easy payments from 78p per week … all paid off by June!



4. Necklace from Elizabeth Duke. Again you don’t need to break the bank to show her that you care … just nip down to Argos and select one of the quality pieces on display. Your lady wearing a nice necklace with a dash of Tramp cologne … a winning combination!




5. Babycham – 4 pack. She loves a bit of sparkling Perry. Watch her break into broad smile and giggle away like a naughty teenager as she comfortably knocks em back!

Picture by Jeff Morris   26/9/06 Pix shows a bottle of Babycham.


For Him

  1. Hai Karate aftershave. Now this aftershave comes with instructions on self-defence … this aftershave is the real deal! He’ll be irresistible when splashed on after his daily shave … you won’t want him to leave the house and you’ll drag him screaming into the bedroom!



2. Casio watch with calculator. No need to hunt through the whole house for a calculator to add up how much the window cleaner is owed … with a flick of his wrist the calculator appears … James Bond gadget indeed!



3. Walkman. Men like their own little hideaways … somewhere to go and switch off. Treat him to a nice Walkman so he can listen to tunes that bring back memories of his teenage years whilst he’s hiding in his cave.




4. A nice Razor. You like you man to be smooth around the cheeks so a bit of encouragement won’t go a miss … so why not treat him to the latest razor on the market? He’ll love it and you’ll be glad you’ve splashed out when you stroke his squeaky clean, stubble free cheeks.


5. A Sheepskin coat. You don’t want to feel like you’re hugging a block of ice as he walks in after a long working day … make sure his body temperature stays above freezing by treating him to a nice Sheepskin coat. Pop down to the Sheepskin warehouse in the East End … you can’t miss it … it’s the big Red building on Petitcoat Lane.



There you go … all sorted! You can now relax and look forward to a stress free Christmas. Christmas shopping should never be painful … it should be a pleasure … it will be a pleasure with the retrohen’s recommended gift ideas.