Saturday at 4pm!

It’s Saturday! It’s a race against time and the clock is ticking along faster than usual. Time check … it’s 3pm … You need to be in front on the TV at 4pm. You dash around finishing off the chores. Chores finished! Time check … 3.55pm. You get to the living room and flick on the TV … another time check … 3.59pm. It’s the calm before the storm as you watch Dickie Davies introduce what you’ve been looking forward to … an hour filled of fists swinging, head butt’s and illegal blows. You’ve made it … the dominant force of World of Sport is about to begin … hang onto your seat and enjoy the Wrestling!

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Cheering, Booing, Chanting, Shouting, Swearing, Fuming, Kicking, Throwing things across the room … your living room is now brimming with energy as your emotions run riot.

Inside in Ring, the Referee attempts to keep order between the good and bad, the pretty and the ugly, the favourites and the unfavourable. The opponents enter the ring to a chorus of cheers or boos. It’s not just about what the Wrestlers did in the ring … it’s the whole package … there may be a mysterious side to them … their face kept covered so viewers only know someone with a mask. A Wrestler may be the people’s favourite and stride into the ring blowing kisses whilst holding a child in their arms. Worse still is a Wrestler whose hated … their ring walk is greeted not only with Boo’s but with chants of fury and verbal abuse. Wrestling was about crowd interaction, causing a stir, pulling viewers and filling arena’s … skill in the ring came 2nd.

 

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Wrestling was popular with the Women. The arena’s were packed with women chanting, cheering and getting wound up. I recall the female wrestler (who played the ‘baddie’ role), Klondyke Kate, getting a mouthful of abuse from women in the audience. ‘She needs shooting because she’s dirty!’ was the response of an infuriated lady in the audience when asked about Klondyke Kate. Poor Klondyke Kate … she was only doing her job!

 

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Wrestlers of all shapes and sizes stepped into the ring to do battle. The Heavyweights were heavy! Big Daddy weighed in at 23 Stone (146 kg) whilst Giant Haystacks was a whopping 40 Stone (254 kg).

Once in the ring all sorts went on … Slams, Big Daddy Splashes, Jim Brakes Specials, illegal moves, padding removed from the posts to create more of an impact, sneaky punches when the referee was distracted, Kicks, Haystacks Specials, Kung Fu moves, Strangulation, climbing and the diving off the ropes, objects used as weapons finding a way into the ring. All in a typical Saturday afternoon of Wrestling.

Wrestling provoked a huge range of emotions on a Saturday afternoon. Even after Saturday afternoon the debates would carry on well into the working week as many continued to fume about decisions made in the ring. In its heyday, Wrestling it would draw in TV audiences of up to 16 million! Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks were crowd pullers … facing each other they smashed audience figures.

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The decline of Wrestling on a Saturday afternoon funnily enough could partly to attributed to the clash between Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks in 1981. After a marathon of a build up, bout between these Two giants lasted less than 3 minutes! Along with the aura of predictability and Wrestling moving more towards a pantomime, ITV pulled the plug in 1988. Wrestling on TV was put to rest.

 

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In the 70s and early 80s Wrestling was huge. It’s something we should look back on with joy and pride. Saturday afternoons at 4pm has never been the same and will never be the same again. I hope you feel blessed for remembering the golden era of British Wrestling.

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Let it go … let it go …

YOU see your train in the distance heading towards the station. You frantically load the coins into the ticket machine but the final £1 coin is rejected by the machine. You feed the coin in again but the result is the same! You glace up and notice the train pulling onto the platform. Like a possessed gambler on a Fruit Machine, you continue to feed the coin in again … and again … and again. Success! Your £1 coin is finally accepted by disobedient ticket machine and you have your ticket to ride.

As you run down the stairs to the platform, you’re met by a multitude of passengers exiting. ‘Sorry’ is the only word that continually comes out your mouth as you dodge, weave and crash into the oncoming traffic of passengers. You’ve made it to the platform just as the beeps for the doors closing kicks in … five seconds left for you to jump on! You make a last ditched effort to jump on … one final burst of speed … almost there but disaster strikes as you ankle does a 90 degree turn and you suddenly find yourself flat on your back! The beeps end and the doors slam shut. The train then creeps out of the station.

What can you do? Nothing!

Any point getting angry? No.

You’re totally broken (mentally and physically) as you muster up enough strength to prop yourself up against the post bearing the station name. You reach inside your pocket and pull out a box of Hamlet and a small box of matches. You light up the mild cigar and Puff … Puff … Puff … leaving a clouds of smoke in the air like a stationary steam train. Ahh that’s better.

 

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All of a sudden the events of the last couple of minutes seem mundane. Thought’s begin to flood your mind and you come to the conclusion that you’re glad you missed the train as you puff away in your new found comfy spot. ‘Why is everyone rushing?’ you ask yourself as observe passengers dashing dashing around like clusters of Ants.

Hamlet … it’s incredible how the mild cigar takes the edge off a frustrating situation … after a few puffs any situation will feel like no big deal. Relationship issues? After a few puffs rational thinking will kick in and you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about. The Boss giving you a hard time at work? Just head outside and get puffing! Wrapped your car around a lamp post? Get a few puffs in whilst waiting for the recovery truck.

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Happiness does not come from a fat salary, spending time with loved ones or jetting off for a exotic holiday. True happiness comes from puffing on the mild cigar after you’ve landed on your backside! Happiness is a cigar called Hamlet … the mild cigar.

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Photo booth advert

Advert 1984

The Wall advert

 

 

Not Guilty!

It’s wet, cold and dark when you send your kids off to school. Your kids beg you for a lift in the car … you refuse and watch them trudge out the door into darkness. Your poor kids arrive at school shivering and sneezing. It takes them all morning to defrost and once the school day is over, they dash home to jump in a spot by the radiator. You look at your kids warming themselves by the radiator … a look of sadness, disappointment and despair on their faces. You keep looking at them and they stare back at you. You can see it in their eyes … ‘It’s your fault we’ve been trying to get warm all day … It’s your fault we’re sneezing … You sent us out unprotected into arctic conditions without protection!’ You sheepishly look away from them and hide in another room.

The verdict is conclusive …  you’re guilty of sending your kids out into the cold without adequate protection. Guilty of selfishness and neglect. Guilty, Guilty, Guilty!

 

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Well this does not need to be the case. Avoid getting yourself into a position where your kids slam down the imaginary hammer and declare you guilty. Make sure they head out with adequate protection … protection that will put a glow on em … protection that will glow in the morning darkness. Get your kids fuelled up with bowl of Ready Brek!

 

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Once the hot oat cereal is gobbled up, your kids will head out the door with a spring in their step. They will display a visual glow of warmth and have no chilly bones, sneezing or shivering.  They will arrive at school warm and ready to go! Whilst the non-Ready Brekkers are defrosting when sat at their desks, the Ready Brekkers are in full flow absorbing every detail being taught as their pens go into overdrive. These kids are on fire and are still displaying the visual glow as they crack on through the morning session. The teachers know the pupils who’ve had a hot bowl of Ready Brek … apart from the visual glow, they notice that these pupils are alert, they have blood flowing to their cheeks, their facial expressions are free moving and not locked into one position.

 

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At the end of your working day you return home to happy, content, frost free kids. Home has a happy vibe to it with no hostility. There’s no one hogging the spot by the radiator as you stroll around free from guilt. Your chuffed that you fed your kids Ready Brek in the morning and you feel like a responsible parent once again. You watch your kids laughing, enjoying themselves, dashing around the house as if it’s the start of the Summer holidays. Sadly it’s the middle of Winter, but luckily your kids are warm and happy … Ready  Brek really is Central Heating for Kids. You’ve discovered the secret to guilt free parenthood and never again will you be dragged through the imaginary courtroom.

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1970s advert

 

Get Stuffed!

We have a bit of a dark horse this week. It’s one of those 250/1 outsiders that many overlooked. This dark horse starts off fast and finishes even faster … blink and you’ll miss him!

Feeling a bit peckish?

Forget those fancy cookbooks … you’ll be dashing from supermarket to supermarket trying to hunt down some of those fancy ingredients.

Give those celebrity chefs with a whack with your heavy-duty frying pan.

You don’t need books with super fancy pictures or ingredients that take hours to track down.

No need to sell your body to be able to splash out on some decent ingredients for a good hearty meal.

The Get Stuffed team are here to sort you out!

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Never heard of them? You would catch them at about 1am on Sunday morning. You may have had a night in slumped in front of the Telly. You may have been dozing and missed it … your loss … you snooze, you lose!

If you were one of the fortunate ones not to snooze, then Jackpot! If you managed to keep your eyelids open then you were in for a treat … 5 minutes of culinary delight. As soon as these chefs hit the screen you were wide awake, bolted upright and began to salivate.

Get Stuffed had some bad ass chefs. These chefs learned their trade on the streets. They didn’t need to attend a top notch cookery schools or knock up a meal in kitchen with views of hills and streams … just give em the basics … a cooker, ingredients from the local shop and a dash of imagination.

These chefs were fun and they just knew how to cook up a wicked meal. Hesitation did not enter their minds … It was a case of ‘I can cook … It’s easy and the results are perfect every time’.

They were fun … they had fun in the kitchen (whilst cooking). None of this stressing, bad language, sweating like a pig in a sauna lark … it was all very friendly in the Get Stuffed kitchen. The food was tasty … always tasty … It had to be … the expression on the chefs face’s said it all … ‘Yummy, Yummy, no more rumble tummy and I’ve still got some money’.

By the time the closing credits were rolling you’d wished you had worn a bib to soak up the dribble tumbling off your bottom lip.

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You can tell the ones who watched Get Stuffed. They are the ones who are savy with their hard earned cash. The ones who bring their TV’s back to the shop for a refund as it no longer works after 20 years of reliable service. The ones who head to the supermarkets 10 minutes before closing time and walk out 10 minutes later with a trolley full items with yellow coloured stickers on them. The ones that have bank accounts overflowing with cash that the bank manager invites them round the back for a sneaky glass of expensive Red.

Well done to those who managed to embrace Get Stuffed. It’s been worth it and you’re now reaping the rewards.

Tough luck to those you didn’t have the staying power to last until 1am. Don’t beat yourselves up … it’s all in the past so get over it.

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The final words goes out to all those who think they can’t cook. I’m telling you that you can cook … you can cook really well … no hesitation required. You’ll surprise yourself with tasty meals, made with your more than capable hands, with the help of the Get Stuffed team.

 

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The Get Stuffed cookbook can be ordered online at the address below

Get Stuffed website – order the cookbookey and check out other cool stuff!

Happy New Year … retro style

LET’S start 2016 right! Let the retrohen team give you some top tips for making 2016 healthy, wealthy and happy!

HEALTH

After the recent festivities it’s important to get you body back into tip top condition. You and your family may have become a bit stiff and robotic during the festive period after stuffing yourselves whilst slumped on the sofa. Get rid of that stiffness and regain your flexibility by having a daily dose of Cod Liver Oil! Tastes horrible? Try adding a couple of teaspoons to your Orange Juice, stir vigorously and gulp down before it has a chance to float to the surface. An alternative is to crack a few Eggs into a glass, add a couple of teaspoons and whisk vigorously before knocking back. You’ll feel the difference in a few weeks … you’ll be twisting, shaking and bending like never before. Your friends will be amazed that the robotic movement you possessed a few weeks earlier has disappeared and replaced with smooth, free swinging, effortless movements.

 

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WEALTH

The chances are that you may have collected a nice wad of cash from various family members over the festive season. You may be tempted to splash out on that video recorder you spotted in Rumbelows, but before you do, consider this … is it worth making your Christmas cash grow a bit bigger? How about being responsible and sticking it in a bank account? If that sounds like a good idea, then make sure your money is working hard by sticking it into a decent bank account where you’ll see it grow overnight. The retrohen team recommend Midland Bank. Why? Well they are the listening bank and there’s one on every high street. If you save, you pave the way for financial success … if you spend, you’ll be flogging your Christmas pressies in August in at attempt to stay in the Black for the remainder of 2016. You’ve been warned!

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HAPPINESS

January can be a tough month … it’s the crash back to reality after the Christmas festivities. Cold dark mornings, forcing yourself to stay awake during those meetings at work and heading home in the dark. It’s really no fun living the life of a Vampire. Anyway it’s always good to have a nice holiday to look forward to … you need a bit of sunshine in your life. Tune into ‘Wish You Were Here …?’ with the delightful Judith Chalmers and you’ll be spoilt for choice with holiday destination ideas. Sun, Sea and Sand … always a nice trio to look forward to during the winter months. If you’ve taken our advice regarding stashing some money away then you’ll be able to splash out on a luxurious holiday. Don’t forget to tune in … the day: Monday … the time: 8pm … the channel: ITV.

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Judith in action

The Listening Bank

Seven Seas … Twist again